Well everyone it is day 19 post first treatment and it was D-day for me yesterday.
I haven’t posted anything since last week as I was lucky enough to have a very dear friend of mine visiting from Canada. She specifically came over to hold my hand through the hair loss experience and actually ended up wielding the clippers. I felt so fortunate to have such a wonderful friend like her who has seen me at my best and worst over the years and made the trek to be here at a very scary time. And she filled my tummy with yummy healthy food and made a hard time actually quite fun.
The last few days I have been watching my hair follicles pick up momentum as they started to all jump ship. I would hold my breath in the shower as I washed my hair with the softest of touches then quickly put it up in a tight bun and pop a hat on. Ignorance was bliss right? I kept hanging on as each day went by until I woke up yesterday morning and realized I was in a losing battle. Let me tell you that you cannot quite comprehend the feeling of a huge clump of your hair literally falling into your hands. I let mine out on the balcony as I felt like maybe some birds could use it for a new home and my hair could live on…
So once I had cleared my husband and daughter out of the house (like I wanted witnesses), we turned on the Black Eyed Peas, poured some sparkling water and got down to business. I really had thought I would be a huge mess of tears for this experience but interestingly enough I did not shed a single tear. I actually enjoyed cutting my ponytail off and moving onto to more dramatic styles along the way like a bob, the mullet, a mini Mohawk and the Joan of Arc look. I mean when else can you do this without fear of the repercussions or being sectioned by the Mental Health Act? I felt like a little girl locked in her bedroom with a pair of forbidden scissors just snipping away because it was fun and exciting.
When I was mulling over what to do with the whole hair situation in the last week, many women who had been through this advised me to shave it. They said it gives you power over an otherwise powerless situation and they were right. I felt like instead of lying down and letting my hair decide what to do, I took control and faced my fear head on. And you know what? I actually can rock the Sinead look and am lucky to have a perfectly shaped head. Who knew? My husband even remarked how good I looked as he had of course had his anxieties over it. And my daughter only gave me a half second glance before running into my arms and since hasn’t acted any differently. So as I said in earlier entries, I am still me with or without hair and nothing can ever change that. I think I am channeling Sigourney Weaver in Alien as she was one tough bitch and seems a much more fitting role model then the eternally winging Sinead.
So there is another mountain that I have conquered this weekend and can cross of my list. I really am stronger than I thought. Now I must get myself ready to board the ship to the C-spa again this week and am praying for a better weather report this time. Blue skies and sunshine ahead please!
A slightly lighter OBB
Showing posts with label hair loss; chemo;wigs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hair loss; chemo;wigs. Show all posts
Monday, June 6, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Hair and Wigs 101
Hair and Wigs 101
Hair brings one's self-image into focus; it is vanity's proving ground. Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices. ~Shana Alexander
Well another day, another task to tick off my list of pre-chemo things to do. A rather large to do item is to deal with my impending hair loss situation. Now if you would have asked me a year ago whether I would ever wear a wig other then on Halloween, my answer would have been a swift no. I have always liked my hair and once even figured out on average how many hours a year I typically spent styling it (I know I clearly need a hobby). I think it worked out to something like 23 consecutive hours a year! Case in point - I am clearly into my hair. I have been pretty much every colour throughout my 31 years of life...blond, black, brown, red...even blue. My hair acted as an armour that protected me on days when I felt full of spots or served as an instant perk up after a spectacular blow out at the salon. Like the quote above, hair is a key and essential accessory to a women’s femininity and I think it actually holds magical power. I mean think of Rapunzel who basically found love because she had a great head of hair. Hair can draw a man in and keep him there. So would I be like Rapunzel and lose all my power when my precious locks were gone?
To shave or not shave is the next question and we ain’t talking about body hair here ladies! Now I really need to weight this out heavily because there are several opinions on this one. Some people say shaving your hair before it falls out can be empowering and puts you firmly in the driver’s seat. No shockers like waking up to clumps of hair on your pillow or being on the receiving end of an unforgiving gust of wind! Yet there are others who think maybe just maybe I will be the exception to the rule and perhaps my hair won’t fall out. And then there are the others who are just too afraid to take matters into their own hands and are happy to let nature take its course. So where do I stand on this? I think I am somewhere in between. I remember so often walking out of salons with a frown and holding in tears because they had cut it too short. How would I react now to the ultimate short cut? And there is something highly exposing about getting your head shaved in a public place. I don’t think I could do it. Instead I have decided to cut a lot of my hair off but still keep it bob-like for now. It is a toddler step to the next stage and I think I feel the most comfortable with the Dorothy Hamill look first before I venture into Sinead territory.
So with hair loss comes wig shopping. I actually walked by a wig shop a few days ago and decided to go in. I was sitting there between one woman who was clearly 90 or so years old with pencilled on eyebrows and an older man who had clearly gotten the bad end of the baldness gene. It is sufficed to say I felt very out of place. Well after trying on a few styles as inspired by Raquel Welch (she is apparently “a big wig” in the fake hair world), I have to say that it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Thankfully wigs have come a long way from what I remember of them and I just might be okay with this. And if anything it is the chance to try out any hairstyle or colour I want. I might be able to even have a little fun with this and will definitely have to get a Britney style pink bob for special occasions! Everyone loves a little Cotton Candy!
So I will make the dreaded call to my stylist and book myself in for the next step next week. And learn to channel my other superpowers while my hair takes a much needed break! I look forward to my new virgin hair when it finally grows back and how fabulous I will look!
And Cut!
OBB
Hair brings one's self-image into focus; it is vanity's proving ground. Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices. ~Shana Alexander
Well another day, another task to tick off my list of pre-chemo things to do. A rather large to do item is to deal with my impending hair loss situation. Now if you would have asked me a year ago whether I would ever wear a wig other then on Halloween, my answer would have been a swift no. I have always liked my hair and once even figured out on average how many hours a year I typically spent styling it (I know I clearly need a hobby). I think it worked out to something like 23 consecutive hours a year! Case in point - I am clearly into my hair. I have been pretty much every colour throughout my 31 years of life...blond, black, brown, red...even blue. My hair acted as an armour that protected me on days when I felt full of spots or served as an instant perk up after a spectacular blow out at the salon. Like the quote above, hair is a key and essential accessory to a women’s femininity and I think it actually holds magical power. I mean think of Rapunzel who basically found love because she had a great head of hair. Hair can draw a man in and keep him there. So would I be like Rapunzel and lose all my power when my precious locks were gone?
To shave or not shave is the next question and we ain’t talking about body hair here ladies! Now I really need to weight this out heavily because there are several opinions on this one. Some people say shaving your hair before it falls out can be empowering and puts you firmly in the driver’s seat. No shockers like waking up to clumps of hair on your pillow or being on the receiving end of an unforgiving gust of wind! Yet there are others who think maybe just maybe I will be the exception to the rule and perhaps my hair won’t fall out. And then there are the others who are just too afraid to take matters into their own hands and are happy to let nature take its course. So where do I stand on this? I think I am somewhere in between. I remember so often walking out of salons with a frown and holding in tears because they had cut it too short. How would I react now to the ultimate short cut? And there is something highly exposing about getting your head shaved in a public place. I don’t think I could do it. Instead I have decided to cut a lot of my hair off but still keep it bob-like for now. It is a toddler step to the next stage and I think I feel the most comfortable with the Dorothy Hamill look first before I venture into Sinead territory.
So with hair loss comes wig shopping. I actually walked by a wig shop a few days ago and decided to go in. I was sitting there between one woman who was clearly 90 or so years old with pencilled on eyebrows and an older man who had clearly gotten the bad end of the baldness gene. It is sufficed to say I felt very out of place. Well after trying on a few styles as inspired by Raquel Welch (she is apparently “a big wig” in the fake hair world), I have to say that it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Thankfully wigs have come a long way from what I remember of them and I just might be okay with this. And if anything it is the chance to try out any hairstyle or colour I want. I might be able to even have a little fun with this and will definitely have to get a Britney style pink bob for special occasions! Everyone loves a little Cotton Candy!
So I will make the dreaded call to my stylist and book myself in for the next step next week. And learn to channel my other superpowers while my hair takes a much needed break! I look forward to my new virgin hair when it finally grows back and how fabulous I will look!
And Cut!
OBB
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