Again I
have had what seems like a blog hiatus as I see it has been nearly a month since my last entry. Life gets in the
way again. It has been a busy month for me and suddenly half the summer has gone
by without really feeling like I have seen the sun enough. Norwegian summers
for you I guess.
My mom was
here recently which was lovely and allowed us to spend some nice QT together.
It was nice for her to fit into my daily routine so easily and also get to
spend some time with her little granddaughter. We also could freely complain to
one another about this pain and that and I got daily massages every day which
was a real treat. There was less of a dark cloud over us this time and it felt
like we were actually moving forward and beyond what had happened. I actually
think I spend so much less time worrying about the future and what will be,
then I did a few months ago. I am making plans now and there isn’t a voice in
the back of my mind taunting me with the what ifs anymore. Life is moving on
and I am too. I am also realizing that blogging is no easy feat when I don’t have
much alone time. I cannot simply sit down and start writing about any old
thing. I need an idea, an inspiration, an emotion to get the ball rolling and
this usually comes when I am walking down the street alone or hearing some
particularly moving piece of music. With the last month of visitors, holiday
and having a toddler home 24-7, there
just isn’t the time or headspace to write something I would deem worthy of
putting on the blog. Maybe I am being too self- critical, but I really only want
to put things that I am proud of or find enjoyable to read myself here. This
blog has never been a diary of my day to day existence – I think it has been
more like a window into my soul (cheesy I know but true). It has been a
reflection of my experience and all the emotions and thoughts it stirred up in
me and I hope everything I wrote has been worthy of reading! Obviously the
blogs have become less frequent as the drama in my life has diminished. I am no
longer looking mortality square in the face but simply playing the waiting game
now which is much less doom and gloom. My day to day existence has become very
much day to day really so not always the most riveting subject matter for writing
about. I am sure there are things around the corner for me that will get the
creative juices flowing again and
moments of fear and worry but it is a new era for me I think.
That new
era begins with our big move which is happening this week. I hate moving truly!
You always think it will take less boxes and less time initially but then realize
when you are lugging a giant over- sized sofa up a winding stairwell at 3am
that the job might have been a little bigger then you first assessed!
Unfortunately due to some pain and muscle problems from my battle scars
recently, I am unable to join in on the real fun (i.e: heavy lifting and
cleaning) so a huge shout out to my super husband who has been doing
everything! I love you!
I can’t help but feel a little emotional as I
see the flat empty out more and more. I will miss this place but I also am
hopeful for the new experiences and adventures we will have in the new place. And
I did cry on my daughter’s last day at daycare…twice! I am an emotional
creature who reflects on what has been but also puts her whole heart and soul
into moving onto the next thing. I have always been this way and I think it is
probably a reason I love to write so much. I have spent so much time and energy
on saying goodbye to things, places and people in my life and still remember
them and miss them but by acknowledging them, it doesn’t mean I am stuck in a
world that no longer exists. I am simply recognizing the things that brought me
to the place and person I am today. Every experience, good or bad, shapes us
into the people we are and there is nothing wrong with looking back as long as
you remember to follow the road ahead.
Happy
summer!
OBB
PS: I want
to personally thank two very special people who are also dear friends of mine
for their trememdous show of support to me and my cancer battle. Sarah Blunden –
I want to thank you for taking the plunge and getting a whole lot of your hair
hacked off and donating it to make a wig in my name. I am blown away by your
gesture and want you to know how touched I am by it.
I also want
to thank Charlotte Pickersgill or as I affectionately call her Peeko - for
walking a marathon for Cancer Research UK in September. Here is the link to her
Giving page which tells the story of why she is walking. https://www.justgiving.com/CharlottePickersgill2012
Peeko - I
am so moved by your kind words of support and am gobsmacked you will actually
be walking that far (and it isn’t a pub crawl!) for me. Your care packages and
visits to see me throughout the past year were beyond generous and so much fun
for me. We made happy memories together during a pretty shit time – isn’t that
what friends are for?
