Again I have had what seems like a blog hiatus as I see it has been nearly a month since my last entry. Life gets in the way again. It has been a busy month for me and suddenly half the summer has gone by without really feeling like I have seen the sun enough. Norwegian summers for you I guess.
My mom was here recently which was lovely and allowed us to spend some nice QT together. It was nice for her to fit into my daily routine so easily and also get to spend some time with her little granddaughter. We also could freely complain to one another about this pain and that and I got daily massages every day which was a real treat. There was less of a dark cloud over us this time and it felt like we were actually moving forward and beyond what had happened. I actually think I spend so much less time worrying about the future and what will be, then I did a few months ago. I am making plans now and there isn’t a voice in the back of my mind taunting me with the what ifs anymore. Life is moving on and I am too. I am also realizing that blogging is no easy feat when I don’t have much alone time. I cannot simply sit down and start writing about any old thing. I need an idea, an inspiration, an emotion to get the ball rolling and this usually comes when I am walking down the street alone or hearing some particularly moving piece of music. With the last month of visitors, holiday and having a toddler home 24-7, there just isn’t the time or headspace to write something I would deem worthy of putting on the blog. Maybe I am being too self- critical, but I really only want to put things that I am proud of or find enjoyable to read myself here. This blog has never been a diary of my day to day existence – I think it has been more like a window into my soul (cheesy I know but true). It has been a reflection of my experience and all the emotions and thoughts it stirred up in me and I hope everything I wrote has been worthy of reading! Obviously the blogs have become less frequent as the drama in my life has diminished. I am no longer looking mortality square in the face but simply playing the waiting game now which is much less doom and gloom. My day to day existence has become very much day to day really so not always the most riveting subject matter for writing about. I am sure there are things around the corner for me that will get the creative juices flowing again and moments of fear and worry but it is a new era for me I think.
That new era begins with our big move which is happening this week. I hate moving truly! You always think it will take less boxes and less time initially but then realize when you are lugging a giant over- sized sofa up a winding stairwell at 3am that the job might have been a little bigger then you first assessed! Unfortunately due to some pain and muscle problems from my battle scars recently, I am unable to join in on the real fun (i.e: heavy lifting and cleaning) so a huge shout out to my super husband who has been doing everything! I love you!
I can’t help but feel a little emotional as I see the flat empty out more and more. I will miss this place but I also am hopeful for the new experiences and adventures we will have in the new place. And I did cry on my daughter’s last day at daycare…twice! I am an emotional creature who reflects on what has been but also puts her whole heart and soul into moving onto the next thing. I have always been this way and I think it is probably a reason I love to write so much. I have spent so much time and energy on saying goodbye to things, places and people in my life and still remember them and miss them but by acknowledging them, it doesn’t mean I am stuck in a world that no longer exists. I am simply recognizing the things that brought me to the place and person I am today. Every experience, good or bad, shapes us into the people we are and there is nothing wrong with looking back as long as you remember to follow the road ahead.
PS: I want to personally thank two very special people who are also dear friends of mine for their trememdous show of support to me and my cancer battle. Sarah Blunden – I want to thank you for taking the plunge and getting a whole lot of your hair hacked off and donating it to make a wig in my name. I am blown away by your gesture and want you to know how touched I am by it.
I also want to thank Charlotte Pickersgill or as I affectionately call her Peeko - for walking a marathon for Cancer Research UK in September. Here is the link to her Giving page which tells the story of why she is walking. https://www.justgiving.com/CharlottePickersgill2012
Peeko - I am so moved by your kind words of support and am gobsmacked you will actually be walking that far (and it isn’t a pub crawl!) for me. Your care packages and visits to see me throughout the past year were beyond generous and so much fun for me. We made happy memories together during a pretty shit time – isn’t that what friends are for?