It is my first wedding anniversary today and in true OBB style, our day involved a visit to the hospital and an extremely "high ick" factor post op procedure that is still making me quesy. But you got to do what you got to do right? So while I have been recuperating, I have had lots of time to think about the last year and our first year of wedded bliss! In my opinion I think we have opted to start with the hardest year of marriage now and things will just get easier for us from hereon. One can hope...
I have always been a romantic and was the girl who wrote endless poems about unrequited love, would get swept up holiday romances and really believed in fairytales. That is why it is so interesting that this girl who grew up thinking about the ring, the dress and the party ended up getting married with none of these things. We didnt even have a proper proposal which I think made my husband¨s job that much easier. It was the day we found out about "it" and we were lying in bed that night absorbing the days events. It was then that we jointly decided that we wanted to go through this journey as husband and wife. There was no ultimatum, there was no bended knee or a violin playing in the background but boy did that decision come from a whole lotta of love. We had already lived our vows in a way before we even became married - through sickness and health. Words to live by in our case. So in between my diagnosis and my scheduled surgery, we planned a wedding. I think we managed to plan the whole thing in 10 days. And you know what? It was perfect. Of course given our tight timeframe and my insistence that I be married "whole", it made it hard for everyone to be there but their absense didnt make us forget them or the importance they had on our lives.
One of the nicest things about our special day was that every single person there (minus children) got up and gave a speech. A speech about us as a couple and us as individuals because everyone there loved and knew us both. The sheer intimacy of the event paralleled the intensity of the earlier events that brought us to that day. And I could not have picked a better partner to be by my side. When I think of all the boys I have dated, I have wondered how they would have reacted to my news had I been with them. I mean not everyone can handle this kind of stuff so young and I dont blame those who cant. But rest assured I now know that my partner in life must be fairly adept at weathering the ocasional storm. And my husband is the best captain I know. From his calmness to his recognition of his own sense of vulnerability, he has been there for me. He has fed me, cared for me, listened to me, held me and most improtantly loved me through it all. It cant be easy for someone to watch the person they love go through some truly horrific things all in the name of trying to stay alive. To have to watch and not be able to take the pain away. I can imagine that this past year was very hard for him but I am still in awe at the way in which he managed it all and tried so hard to be the strong one. That is what being a partner is about - as he says "most of it is just showing up and being there." So I guess he stayed true to his word because I never felt alone. And I cant think of anyone else who could make a woman with no hair or eyebrows and a mangled body still feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world. You make me feel like that every day my dear. For that I love you.