When I was little, my father would tell me a story nearly every night for probably 12 or 13 years. I felt like every story he told was original and new, though I now think there might have been a few parallel themes or repeats during all those years! He was creative but also human. Every story centered around the character of Gwendolyn the Good Fairy. She would come to the aid of children from all over the world and help them with whatever problem they had. He was so good at bringing this tiny little fairy to life that I can still imagine her waking up on her little lily pad in the pond with rose petals for wings and covered in a bright shiny light that never seemed to dull. Years on, I could still paint a perfect picture of her, how she looked and remember a number of stories where she helped a child find their lost teddy, or learn to play a sport they were afraid of. I think my dad definitely took inspiration from some of my life issues in these stories and helped me along my way.
I have thought of him a lot this week. Many of you who read this blog often know that I mention him here and there and it is very clear that I miss him dearly. When things are tough or I am struggling with something, I think of him more often. I think of how he would just know what to do. I also know in an instant that he would be on a plane on his way to me if I needed him. I would not have even needed to ask. He would just know. I try to comfort myself with the thought that somehow he knows I need him now and he is helping me in any way he can.
This a pic I took while on my walk yesterday.
I took a walk by myself down by the sea yesterday, as we spent the weekend with the grandparents for a change of scene after the tough week we had. Autumn had made its mark and it was quiet but beautiful. I took that same walk the few days before my first chemo treatment and asked for his help at that time too. I did the same yesterday. I called out into the wind and told him that I was afraid and I wished he were here with me. No one answered back. No bird flew by. No sign. But I didn’t feel alone so I took comfort in that. It was then that I thought of all those stories from long ago. If my dad were here right now to talk to me what would he say? What would Gwendolyn do? This is my version of what I think he would have imagined for me if he could sit by my bed, hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay because Gwendolyn was on the case.
There was a little girl who lived in a land that was cold and dark. She was very brave and tried not to be afraid of anything. She had a loving family and very good friends around her. She was mostly very happy and lived a good life. But there was something that she just couldn’t get out of her mind. It was something that no one could help her with and she felt like she could not find the right words to make people understand how she was feeling. She grew very worried about it as each day passed. She became so worried in fact that one night while she was tucked up in bed after her mama and pappa had kissed her goodnight, she wished. She wished for Gwendolyn the good fairy to come help her not to worry. She closed her eyes and called out her name into the night sky. Suddenly a star shined brighter then all the others and came sailing through her open window. The next thing she knew there was a tiny fairy on her night stand. The little girl thought that it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. “I am Gwendolyn the good fairy and I am here to help you little friend.” The little girl explained her problem and how she was worried and afraid. “I will sprinkle a few drops of fairy dust on your eyes and you will fall asleep and all your worries and fears will melt away. In the morning you will feel better – stronger and calmer and you will be able to face all that worries or scares you.” The little girl smiled and closed her eyes, ready for the fairy dust to fall. She drifted off into a delicious sleep and dreamed of only the most wonderful of things. Gwendolyn then dusted off her hands and saw that her work here was done. And with that she was off in a flash of light leaving behind only the stillness and darkness of the night. In the morning the little girl didn’t remember anything about what had happened but she felt better and lighter. Her worries were gone and she couldn’t quite understand how or why but she knew that she would be okay.
For my big tall angel in the sky who continues to inspire me and help me on my way.