Well I am less than two days away from my fourth round of FEC! You would think I would be relieved in a way as it is my last FEC round however I am anxious. I think my anxiety over the IV process is outweighing the actual c-spa experience. I also am still hanging onto to this cold and don’t really feel like throwing chemo and injection side effects into the mix. So you could say I am really not in the mood for chemo this week. Now if I only I had a choice in the matter! I think a big part of cancer is continually having to do things you genuinely don’t want to do.
For those of you not in the Big C Club, the process following on from Tuesday’s round is another cycle of a totally different drug. This time I will get my toxic cocktail every week for 12 weeks instead of every 21 days. On paper it sounds way worse but in reality it is supposed to be much easier on your body and the side effects do not include nausea. Yippeee!! I am handing in my lifejacket and getting off this boat! But I will have to make a weekly trip to the C-Spa and struggle with my IV anxiety much more often. Hmm….But seeing as the last 12 weeks have literally flown by, I am hopeful the next 12 will continue at the same pace and I will be finished my C-spa reservation before I know it. How amazing will that be?
Probably the most dramatic effect of my upcoming drug is hair loss which I have already dealt with. Funny fact though - I would say 50% of my hair is still hanging on and the spots where it has gone have already started growing back. Unfortunately all those bad boys will be on the cutting room floor again and my eyebrows and lashes will most likely join in the mass exodus with my next happy cocktail. I wonder how I will look without eyebrows as I am totally unbothered by my bald head and often forget how different I must look. I guess we adjust in order to cope with tough situations and my period of transition has been relatively painless so bring on the eyebrows!
This week I have been fortunate enough to have one of dearest friends visit me all the way from Australia this week. My lovely husband was given a break to visit his friends in England and France for the week on the condition that I had someone to help me with our daughter. And how lucky am I to have friends who don’t even need to be asked to jump on a plane and help a girl out. She even left her own toddler at home in order to focus on helping me out which us mothers know is not an easy thing to do. My energy levels have been good this week so we have actually had a great week of sunshine, laughter and lots of girly chats about everything and anything including the Big C. I often think that my cancer experience has really brought me closer to many of my friends around the world. As I have often mentioned in this blog – when your mortality is put into question, you realize what is truly important and also who in your life really has your back. Not everyone can handle disease which I can understand but I am blown away on a daily basis by the strength, warmth and generosity of my peeps. You all make such a difference in my journey and I again want to thank you all for it.
So as I sit here typing away next to my angelic sleeping daughter, I think about how I am getting closer and closer to the finish line. Every struggle, every emotion, every moment moves me further along the board of life to the gorgeous paradise waiting at the end that I call health and happiness.