Monday, October 17, 2011
The Beginning has Become the End
It has been a long time (in blogging time) since I managed to write an entry which is a good thing because it means I am busy living life! I have again been lucky to have two of my very good girlfriends visiting me from London the past week. It is so good to spend time with good friends and everyone who visits always loves the slow and relaxed pace of my life here. Very different from their own busy lives crammed to the rim with things to do! I always miss people when they go and the quietness of the house makes me a bit melancholy. However it is back to work for me too!
I finished my 10th treatment on Friday and am now into my last two weeks of the C-spa. It is truly amazing how fast those last 22 weeks have gone. I mean when you hear 22 weeks it seems like ages especially when those weeks involve being repeatedly injected with toxic chemicals, losing all your hair, fearing even the slightest germ in your presence and just being tired all the time! It isn’t exactly a walk in the park but here I am so close to the end.
I have started thinking about how there will be some things I will miss. Crazy I know – how can anyone miss anything to do with the dreaded big C?? However I will miss the routine and structure to my week and day. There is very little time to sit around and be idle with the schedule I keep and I think it really helps me stay sane. I will need to find new activities and hobbies to fill my day while my body regains its strength and heals. I will miss everyone at C-Town who has made my diagnosis and treatment so much easier to bear. It may sound crazy but I think we managed to make those c-spa trips pretty entertaining (after the needle was in mind you!). The nurses have become friends to me who I feel genuinely care about me. They have eased this rough ride I have been travelling on for so long and they will be missed. I will miss my cancercise group that provided some much needed energy boosts and also the chance to sit and chat with people in the same position and age group. They understood my fears, the milestones and the frustrations that one can only know when living the Big C. I will miss all those wonderful people who have travelled from all corners of the world to help me, heal me and be with me during this time. I have been blow away by the amazing people who literally dropped everything and jumped on a plane to come and live a bit of this rollercoaster with me. Honestly this has touched me to the core and I know when I am better, I just might need to be the one to jump on that plane again to you! And lastly I will miss the opportunity to sit in my bathrobe till 11am in the morning on a weekday without judgment – by anyone myself included.
So I will need to go through another period of transition when I turn in my C-badge at the door in the next month or so. I am sure there will be struggles with that too as I will seek out my new identity and new definition of “normal.” However my life is a blank canvas and I have every color imaginable on my pallet to paint anything I desire and I plan on making a masterpiece.