Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Top 10 Reasons It Is Cool To Have No Boobs

Ok so summer has arrived in Oslo...finally!! We are like a month or two behind everyone else it seems. The shops are filled with light and airy summer clothing and bikinis are everywhere. Everyone is peeling off the layers and exposing their casper white skin to the big bright ball in the sky. You cant help but feel happy when the weather is nice.

I remember this time last year shortly after my first operation when I was also getting used to my new body and the fact that summer would be slightly different for me. It is even more different this year and I am feeling self conscious to say the least. And I cant help but feel alittle crap when i browse through the shops and realise that about 70% of the cute outfits just wont work on the new me. And in terms of bathing suits? Well that is an entirely different story peeps. I have to go to a special shop that serves only us BC ladies and the styles seem to be chanelling the 70 to 80 age range. So in light of feeling alittle sorry for myself, i wanted to write a list of the good things about having no boobs. Why not focus on the positive and have alittle fun too.

The 10 Reasons it is cool to have no boobs

10. Running. Now if I did run and I wish I did - I would really be at a benefit having no chesticles. No nipple shaffing, no hefty sports bra to strap the girls down, and less wind resistance (not sure if science is behind me on the last one but it makes sense to me). Oslo Marathon here I come!

9. Bras and complicated clothing. So you know the drill ladies - you have found the coolest dress or top but the exact thing that makes it cool and different also poses a serious problem in finding the right bra to fit the complex straps. Well I just dont have this problem do i? I can rock any top and dont need worry about finding the perfect bra and we know what murder it is finding a good strapless one!

8. Gross ogling men. I can safely say that i have been in a situation when I was talking to a man and he continually looked downwards to "assess" my assets. I actually have been shocked at the lack of shame they have (and i know most men have the social decency to know that this is not cool). Face is up here dude! Well I am assured that I will only have men focusing on what is coming out of mouth and not what is sitting under my shirt. :)

7. Gender disguise. So this one is slightly far fetched (ok all the way in fantasy land) but I like it. In light of the Game of Thrones phenomenon and one of the young characters pretending she was a boy to survive, I think it could be quite useful especially if I had a huge army after me - to easily hide out as a boy if I needed to. I have the short cropped do´and no boobs for a start - so just rub some dirt on my face, throw on some pants and shirt and bam - boy time. Now I dont think i will need to utilise this benefit anytime soon in Norway but still worth mentioning.

6. The Gap. I have often found myself putting on a shirt with buttons and discovered the shirt fit everywhere but across the chest. There is nothing worse then buttons being stretched to their wits end and little gaps forming between each one. I have sadly witnessed this phenomenon of "the gap" far too many times while working in London. Well I just dont have this problem. Every shirt I own now fits like a glove and the gap is a thing of the past.

5. Kate Moss. We all remember the CkOne adverts in the 90s and the whole waif look right? Well Kate was the queen of that time and is still pretty much the most famous supermodel around. Now I dont entirely agree with some of the things she does but let´s face she is an icon and pretty damn hot. Well she has no breasts really so she kinda counts as being part of the Flat team. So if she can rock her mosquito bites in fabulous couture then I can rock my scars in retail. And scars are pretty bad ass.

4. Golf. I used to play golf but I havent done it in awhile. I did like it and often found that my chest area often got in the way of attaining a perfect swing. And I think if you look at the best female golfers in the world - none of them are "major" in the boob department. So perhaps I should dust off the clubs and see how far I can go.

3. Random injuries. I have been the recipient of many footballs, tennis balls, waterpolo balls and sharp elbows to the boob area over the years. And you know it hurts. Well I just dont have to worry about that. We got smooth sailing on these parts.

2. Gravity. We all now as we get older, gravity becomes a nemesis of our bodies. Things wrinkle and begin to drift downwards. Boobs are no exception to this natural event especially after having nourished your little babies. Well again I simply dont need to worry about anything hanging down by my toes and I wont have to carry my boobs around when I am old and grey. For now I have nothing but when I eventually do get some new ones I will be a perky as Miley Cyrus used to be before she started wearing shirts as dresses.

I am alive. This is clearly the biggest reason it is cool for me to not have boobs. Unfortunately mine were ticking time bombs with one already detonated so they had to go. Being alive is so much better then the alternative so I can feel good about my ground zero sitch. Boobs dont make the woman. I do.

Have a great day everyone!


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