Today is different. It is the first day in over 6 weeks that I am home on my own. My husband has gone back to work and my daughter is now back in daycare. In some ways I have missed my “me time” though I feel abit guilty even saying that as I truly savor each and every moment I have with my family. However it was nice to dive back into bed (seeing as my human alarm clock woke me at 5am) and then wake up to some relaxing yoga stretches and some chill Café Del Mar tunes without any interruption.
Before all of this C business, I was someone who was often uncomfortable in my own company and would often grow bored, frustrated or just plain antsy with a few hours to myself. But now seeing as there is so much happening in my life right now (not in a good way!), this solace and quiet is delicious and I really feel that my body needs it. Those of you who have known me awhile will read this and be shocked to hear me say I need quiet! Not only does your body get physically drained by the C-Spa but your emotions and psyche really go through the ringer as well. I am happy to report that I am still feeling good but the fatigue has definitively gone up a notch. I even made it to a friend’s daughter’s 2nd birthday party yesterday which would have been truly unheard of on my earlier regime. She was surprised to see me and I was happy to take part in the festivities. There were people I didn’t know there and those who didn’t know my “status”. I have spoken about this social anxiety earlier in my blogs when I was much more uncomfortable with my diagnosis and how it would be perceived. I didn’t want a pity party and I certainly didn’t want to take the focus away from the darling 2year old celebrating her birthday and turn it into Cancer Town USA! Things were good until a woman running after two lively boys and a foreigner herself enquired what I was doing with myself these days. I told her I was home and she coached me on getting out there in the work force etc… I know she grew more shocked when she found out that this lazy North American was not only home all day but had her daughter in full time daycare! I really felt awkward but also felt that dropping the C-bomb at that moment would be wrong timing and make everyone uncomfortable. I know to her none of it made sense but sometimes I just want to hold onto to being just me and not the pitied young cancer patient. So I left things as they were and allowed myself to come across as some housewife of the OC who idles her day away with long lunches, manis and private pilates sessions. Oh if only I could eh!
So the rest of the week is BUSY! I seriously struggle to schedule in friend time these days as my cancer is really butting into my social time. Who knew cancer was a full time job? Today is my only day with zero scheduled other then getting my butt down to a toy shop to pick up a much needed 2nd birthday present for another friend. The rest of the week is full of physio and acupuncture appointments, my cancexercise group (I just came up with that – clever no?), Norwegian class and then a wonderful C-Spa session to round out my week. Little time to catch my breath but all of this will just make the weeks go that much faster as I slowly make my way down the long road towards that big pink finish line.
And my eyelashes and eyebrows are finally coming out. I am mourning them slightly as I do love how nice a coat of mascara instantly wakes your eyes up and I will shortly be relying only on the glitter of my retinas for the wow factor! The eyebrow thing will be weird as I think it might be the giveaway that I am C-Spa member but then again who knows. I have learnt through this process that most of the things I worry about end up being insignificant at the end of the day. What matters is always the same – love, life, family and friends and your health.