Update on Round 3
This entry will be brief as I am so tired I can barely type and need to head to bed pronto. I also am lucky enough to have another visitor from Canada here this week so am extra busy playing tourist as well.
So round 3 went well with no major incidents to report. Blood work was good and I rocked through the IV again. I am really starting to lose some of my anxiety over it all thanks to my superstar nurse Ingrid who really knows her way around a vein!
There was a small niggle this week though that has been a bit stressful. I had this awful back pain that started a day after round 2 and just grew worse by the day and spread down my legs as well. I also had this strange nerve pain across my back that was just plain weird. I went through the week as usual and worked out, did yoga, learnt my Norwegian, went to physio and just did my thing despite the pain increasing. By Thursday, I was told to see the oncologist to check out that all was ok in the OBB camp.
So after my Cancerxise group, I headed to the doctor and really expected them to listen and look at me and then tell me it was all normal and send me on my way. Things did not go according to plan. After discussing my symptoms and examining me, the doctor told me she wanted to admit me in as a patient that evening and book me in for an MRI the next day. OMG – time to freak out. I was alone of course and when the doctor asked if I had any questions – I told her there was no point asking now as I would spend the whole night obsessing over what could be. I so desperately had wanted her to tell me that my symptoms were nothing to worry about it and that I would be fine. But the truth is once you have been diagnosed with cancer the reality is that no doctor can ever tell you something is nothing. Of course I understand why and I know that I should be happy that they are checking every single thing out and not taking any chances. But at the same time how can I not worry? Once you have heard the dreaded C word – anything is possible. So as I walked out of C-Town late that afternoon, I put my sunglasses on despite there being no sun in sight and squinted my eyes tight to hold the tears in. OBB was not going to crack! But to be honest for the first time in awhile I really felt the weight of everything on my shoulders and it seemed like just a bit too much for me. I really felt like how much more could I take?
So after round 3 was complete, I was taken for my MRI a few hours later. This happened at a time when I was usually passed out in my bed asleep so fatigue was hitting. I actually fell asleep in my chair in the waiting area only to be roused from my dreams by the technician calling out my name and then actually fell asleep during the MRI itself! If you have ever had an MRI, you know how noisy and confined they are – so the fact I slept was miraculous and possibly a testament to my level of exhaustion.
Now I must wait. Wait for the phone call maybe tomorrow or the next. I am positive and know that things most likely will be ok and this is routine when going through cancer treatment. But there is that tiny part of me – where the fear lives – that is scared. That is the part that reminds me that I am also human and alive.