I just wanted to write a short blog today just to get down some things down that i think are important.
It is my birthday on Monday and we are heading off to the family cabin to celebrate both my daughters and my birthdays together. Birthdays bring up funny emotions and thoughts - often reflective in nature. After the year I have had I can safely say that I have grown in so many ways in the past 12 months. I think after speaking with someone about it yesterday - who asked me how this whole experience had changed me - I realised that I had changed when I become pregnant, I changed again when I had my daughter and now I have changed again through having cancer. So as I turn 32 on Monday (and physically feel about 70 now!), I am much more proud of who I am then I was a year ago. I also know myself much better. But probably the most important thing is that I am here to celebrate this birthday. My concept of time is so different now and I feel like a year is a gift and five years like a lifetime. Once you experience having your time taken from you prematurely every second and every moment is precious. I think it might make me extra aware of my birthday this year as I often just think of it as just another day. It isnt just another day but rather the beginning of another year of living in the moment for me and another chance to do something different.
I also heard some very sad news today that my grandmother had passed away in Canada. After having recently booked a trip to Canada for my daughter and I, I was so looking forward to seeing her and having her see how much my little one had grown since I had been there last. But sometimes life takes its own twists and turns. I think she lived a long and happy life well into her 90s and her passing is very sad but also the way it should be. Everyone should have long and full lives and when their bodies are tired and their minds ready - be released. I dont think I had this depth of understanding about life, death and the ageing process before having cancer because now I too often see people being robbed of the simple act of living and be forced to submit reluctantly to this beast we call cancer. It just isnt fair and happens way too often. So i would like to give a special shout out to another beautiful angel in the sky who I hope knows we love her.
Have a good weekend everyone and please hug the people you love.