Well everyone it is day 19 post first treatment and it was D-day for me yesterday.
I haven’t posted anything since last week as I was lucky enough to have a very dear friend of mine visiting from Canada. She specifically came over to hold my hand through the hair loss experience and actually ended up wielding the clippers. I felt so fortunate to have such a wonderful friend like her who has seen me at my best and worst over the years and made the trek to be here at a very scary time. And she filled my tummy with yummy healthy food and made a hard time actually quite fun.
The last few days I have been watching my hair follicles pick up momentum as they started to all jump ship. I would hold my breath in the shower as I washed my hair with the softest of touches then quickly put it up in a tight bun and pop a hat on. Ignorance was bliss right? I kept hanging on as each day went by until I woke up yesterday morning and realized I was in a losing battle. Let me tell you that you cannot quite comprehend the feeling of a huge clump of your hair literally falling into your hands. I let mine out on the balcony as I felt like maybe some birds could use it for a new home and my hair could live on…
So once I had cleared my husband and daughter out of the house (like I wanted witnesses), we turned on the Black Eyed Peas, poured some sparkling water and got down to business. I really had thought I would be a huge mess of tears for this experience but interestingly enough I did not shed a single tear. I actually enjoyed cutting my ponytail off and moving onto to more dramatic styles along the way like a bob, the mullet, a mini Mohawk and the Joan of Arc look. I mean when else can you do this without fear of the repercussions or being sectioned by the Mental Health Act? I felt like a little girl locked in her bedroom with a pair of forbidden scissors just snipping away because it was fun and exciting.
When I was mulling over what to do with the whole hair situation in the last week, many women who had been through this advised me to shave it. They said it gives you power over an otherwise powerless situation and they were right. I felt like instead of lying down and letting my hair decide what to do, I took control and faced my fear head on. And you know what? I actually can rock the Sinead look and am lucky to have a perfectly shaped head. Who knew? My husband even remarked how good I looked as he had of course had his anxieties over it. And my daughter only gave me a half second glance before running into my arms and since hasn’t acted any differently. So as I said in earlier entries, I am still me with or without hair and nothing can ever change that. I think I am channeling Sigourney Weaver in Alien as she was one tough bitch and seems a much more fitting role model then the eternally winging Sinead.
So there is another mountain that I have conquered this weekend and can cross of my list. I really am stronger than I thought. Now I must get myself ready to board the ship to the C-spa again this week and am praying for a better weather report this time. Blue skies and sunshine ahead please!
A slightly lighter OBB