Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Professional in Waiting

“Patience, grasshopper," said Maia. "Good things come to those who wait."
"I always thought that was 'Good things come to those who do the wave,'" said Simon. "No wonder I've been so confused all my life.” Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

(this quote just made me smile and reminded me of the many things I misunderstood like instead of Pitch and Putt, I used to call it Pigeon Putt!)

Just a quick update from me. There is nothing to report. 

I am still sitting here in cancergatory slowly going insane. Everytime my phone rings, I jump up and a jolt shocks through my body. Only once I see the number and realise it is not the one number that I am both dreading and wanting to call, do I exhale. Yes I am going crazy but I am still functional despite my limbo state so don´t think that I am sitting under a blanket in a dark room unable to participate in day to day life. Quite the opposite really - we have settled into our new home, I am able to do alittle yoga now (which is my refuge) and also plan to return to work next week. I am still in a slight drug haze from all my nerve meds but they are proving effective with the pain so bring on the cotton wool brain! I so desperately want to move on from this experience but there is this one teeny tiny detail that needs to be checked that could have massive impacts on my life. I find it difficult to get my head back in the game in terms of work with all this unfinished business lurking around. And my mind is of course hypothesising why it is taking so long. There is no way my doctor has forgotten me so why this enormous wait? Taking away the Easter week where Norway shuts down, we are still talking over 3 weeks. I have thought that in my past experience - negative tests have come back the fastest and the longer it took, the worse it was. But here I am catastrophising with nothing real or concrete to go on. And we all know how destructive that can be.  Sometimes I want to just shut my brain down for like an hour to get a break.  I know they took so many bloody pieces of me out and have to go through it all with a fine tooth comb and I definitely wouldnt want a quick and sloppy job on this. I want them to be thorough and triple check everything. But I also just want to know. I am tired of waiting. 



  1. dear kate,

    i have been thinking and thinking of you. so i appreciate the update, the good news of your having gotten settled in your lovely new home. but i am just so sorry about the W-A-I-T-I-N-G to hear your pathology results. the "w" word is an evil animal all of it's own, and it never gets easier, does it.

    it's good you have yoga for a refuge. and i am glad the pain meds are doing their job to give you relief. i know you must have mixed feelings about returning to work with not knowing what's what.

    please know i am thinking of you, your sweet hubby, and precious little girl - holding you all close to my heart with BIG, BIG hope for all to be well - and SOON!!!

    love, XOXO,

    karen, TC

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  3. OBB, summon your magical powers and get thee to a phone and pester that doctor's office until you get an answer! Three weeks is long enough. Bug them, on the off chance that you have slipped through the cracks.

    If you can't bring yourself to do it, summon the other super-human in your home, Mr. OBB, to pester on your behalf.

    The waiting is the worst. Catastrophizing is natural, but such an energy drain and it sucks! I hope you get some answers before the weekend. I hate the thought of you having to wait any longer! Remember, knowledge is power.

    PS I absolutely love your term "cancergatory" and I used it as a hashtag on twitter. Will try and rumble up some support for you there with that hashtag!!

    Keep breathing and you sound good despite the hell you are going through. {{{hugs}}} super lady!