Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The night before C-Spa

Like before any big trip, one has lots of things to prepare and the C-spa is no exception. Instead of lazing away my final day of freedom, I was running around like a madwoman trying to get everything done and here I am exhausted before I have even begun my toxic trek.

I wanted to first tell everyone how much I appreciate all the support and kind messages I have received from friends and family from all over the world. I am amazed by the love people have to give and am in awe of how well all of you have dealt with this news as I am sure it scares everyone and awakens fears of mortality. I can’t tell you how much it brightens my day when I receive a beautiful card or a package with my favorite chocolates or magazines. I have quite an army behind me and the Big C doesn’t stand a chance. And it is so wonderful that so many old friends that I lost touch with have reached out and told me how much they are behind me. It makes it hard for me to have a low moment with so many cheerleaders picking me up! So thank you again to you all and please know that every word makes a difference.

So it is the night before Chemo and all through the house… Sorry couldn’t resist. Well after a wild goose chase through Oslo pharmacies to hunt down my final chemo cocktail drug, a trip to the dentist for a last minute clean (trips to the dentist are generally a no-no during chemo) where I broke down in tears when the doctor asked me the innocent yet loaded words, “How are you dealing with this all?” and an attempt to celebrate my husband’s birthday today (it is sadly tomorrow – poor guy) have made up my frantic day. Now as daylight fades from the sky, I sit here wondering how it will all be so very different tomorrow. Suddenly my reservation date is here yet my mind and body feel so unready for this enormous challenge ahead. I already have sympathy nausea today for Pete’s sake so how the hell will I fare tomorrow! I mean seriously where is the valium when you need it?

So I hope I get some rest and don’t spend too much time wondering how it will be, will it hurt, how will I react, will I cry, when will the hair go…? Weaker people (physically speaking!) have been through this and come out the other side and so will I. So I will open my veins and mind to the experience and remember that I am doing all of this to safeguard my spot in this world for a very, very, very long time ahead. Bring on the poison!

Sleep well all.


  1. Wow... just, wow. So very well written and awe-inspiring. Plus, a huge lump in my throat and some tears.

    Thinking about you and wishing you the smoothest ride possible amongst all the bumps.

    P.S.... did you get a pic of your new bob and will you be posting it???

  2. I admire your sense of humor, that surely will help you accomplish your C-spa trips one after the other.

    So now you have done the first one, it's not that deadly-frightening after all, right?! Yes, the "toxic trek" has begun, but don't think of it as "bring on the poison", rather, look at it as "bring on the internal body purification" which you need. You will soon see yourself healthier and stronger physically and mentally.

    Take time to rest and consume as much nutritious liquid/ food as you can. Drink plenty of water, 12 glasses a day, if possible, even though you have to wake up during the night for the toilet. Fluid is extremely important to dilute the "cleansing chemical" which is now working its way to destroy the c-cells in your body.

    Once again, I know you are in good hands, with so many caring and loving people around you, which is an actual blessing. Value the experience and inspiring message that you will be getting everyday as you begin your bumpy roller-coaster ride now.

    Love, prayer and hugs!

  3. Hi Kate,
    Hope your trip went to the c spa as well as can be expected. I hope the love, support, magazines and chocolates get you through the rough patches. Thinking about you lots. Adam too.